Make your life

Don't cling to a mistake, just because you spent a lot of time making it. We are not locked by our past decisions. You owe no one a life commitment who you committed to with an awareness that lacked the ability to see the truth.

As time passes we gain knowledge, experience, and insights. We build strength, we learn, and sometimes we unlearn lifelong stories and patterns. The death of a family member, health scares and something as simple as a book wakes us up to our destructive choices, behaviors, and even to the disruptive people around us.

It's interesting once this light comes on... Because you can't turn it off. You can't unlearn spiritual growth and a lightning bolt to your soul. In these moments we are literally being invited to rise up and become who we were always meant to be... Or continue down a path which is neither healthy nor happy.

Answer this call. Take the road that appears to be tougher... Because I promise that the work only appears hard. But that work - is a gift. And all those fears you have are really fears of staying the same.

You are meant to dream big, love big and live big. You are meant to live as someone with virtue and in the integrity of your heart. Be someone of great character and only invite those with great character to surround you. 

Don't say that...

There are those of you that who adores their mothers, who are everlastingly grateful for everything their mother has done; who answers the question - do you love your mother? with of course I do as if there can be no alternative. This is not for you. Fuck you.

You have enough. You don't need this.

This is for everyone else.

This is for the ones who have been suffocated, controlled, belittled, abused, ignored, humiliated, cast out. This is for the ones who never felt wanted. This is for the ones who have been denied that which most of the world considers a universal truth, the ones that have stood outside the gates of unconditional love and looked in alone and confused. This is for the ones who felt unworthy - there must be something wrong with me - must be, otherwise, why else would my mother not love me? Mothers love. Right? That's their function. 

This is for the ones who seem lost on this mother earth with no place home - no matter how many houses they have lived in. For the ones who simply feel indifferent to their mothers, the ones that just not have nothing in common with this stranger older lady sitting in the same room as them. The ones that can't really speak to their mothers but are bound by the rules of society to smile and give them a good news, to shield them from the truth of themselves, from the truth of their downfalls and failings, who play the part of the good child but are really just hiding, the ones who have no great hate, no great turmoil, but for whatever reason have always wanted to escape to be free of what it is to them, the shackles of a family, then there are those with a constant burning anxiety who don't know how to be - who either are miserably seeking for approval or filled with a rage that wants to reject approval, reject society, reject love.

This is for the ones who when they speak up and try to express how they feel are constantly beaten down with the constant glorified dogmatic shit - "don't say that she's your mother." 

Try telling someone that you don't love your mother, just for a game, try to explain why and you will be met with endless arguments on how you must be wrong, and you must try to understand her -  "don't say that, she's your mother."

What of the mothers that just don't care? What of the mother that never wanted a child?  What of the mother that never feels the magic, sudden connection, who instead half halfheartedly plays a part that doesn't truly feels. What of the mother that abuses her children physically and mentally. What of the mother that lets their children suffer at the hands of their husbands or boyfriends simply because she is too afraid to be alone. What of the mother that humiliates her child because life has humiliated her and she doesn't know what else to do with all of this humiliation. What of the thousands of mothers too caught up in their own desires, their own sufferings, their own abusive patterns forged by the fires of their own lives to understand the damage they are having on these little seedlings, these tiny little babies - who don't know any better or don't have anyone else. 

There are thousands of types of mothers and I'm not here to judge mothers, mothers are just people, with their own problems, trying to make sense of this big bad world. Our conditioning, our brainwashing - makes us incapable of seeing them of who they really are, but no excuses either, it doesn't change the fact that they have caused pain. So, for the ones suffering, it's not your fault; mothers are just people, with problems just like you they fuck up. Forgive them if you can, forgive them if you like. But look to your own life - there are so many things to do, so many things to be, do them! be them! don't carry that pain forever. 

Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Accept yourself. Nurture yourself. Scold yourself. Guide yourself. Push yourself to grow. 

What do we want?

What do we want? Let me rephrase the question for you, "What do humans expect from life as such?" I have always thought about this since I was in my tender teens, although teens don't contemplate the vagaries of life. 

When I was a kid, all I wanted out of life was a happy ending, and yes I do read a lot of fairy tales. As I was losing my innocence I wanted many things from life, in fact I started demanding life to give me what I wanted. As the days went on, the list of wants increased subsequently. At first they were mostly material and could be achieved easily, but as days went my they had more to do with satiating the ego's thirst. Feelings like jealousy became the fuel to the fire of wants. That was when the disturbed conscience took charge and helped me by taking control of my whims.  I understood the reality much better than most of my peers and I am still proud to have realized that most material requirements give temporary joy. My outlook on life has changed and that was when I started thinking about life and its nuances. 

I am not saying that wanting something is bad, but, wanting things which hold a second of pleasure to them distracts us from the intangible goodies. When I ask my friends what they want the most in life, they answer me with replies such as a successful career, a big house or even a rich spouse, but when the sun sets I am sure most of us will be on the death bed regretting many things we should've done when we had a chance.

Life is all about taking in the tiny pleasures and seeing big things through them. A nice cup of coffee, a day out with close buddies, a bungee jump or even a sunny afternoon can give joy that no riches in the world can give. So why do you think I am giving this big sermon? The moment we realize the subtleties are more important, the total perception towards life will change and the only things we'll remember would be the endless joys we've been through in this journey.

I am sure you would want to know what i want with life right now. What do I want? I want to a have a happy ending with no regrets. Back to being a child, don't you think? 

Let her go by Passenger

This song was released way back in 2012. I know it is a pretty old song.  But, a certain friend of mine introduced me to this song recently. Each time either of us chance upon a new song, we would inform the other. And, when my friend asked me to check out this particular song, I loved it. You get the drift, right?

This song has snuck into my musical mind and has not let go for a while now. I play it on the loop the entire day. I wake up and it is there, spinning around, then landing on the tip of my tongue. It stays there until I seek it out and hit play, singing-a-long, often repeating it three or four times.

Let Her Go is an emotional song, where Passenger’s achingly beautiful voice is backed by a piano, some violin, nice chorus and acoustic guitar. One of the immediate stand out things about this song is Passenger’s voice; it is clear, crisp and slightly unorthodox which makes this track a pleasure to listen to. I felt Passenger sounds more like James Blunt. May be this’s one of the reasons that I loved the song. 

Action Replay 2015

A year ago, I was spending one laid back evening at my sister’s place. What a simple way of welcoming a New Year! Things have changed so massively in a year. 2015 has been quite unpredictable, and on many occasions, it was disappointing and excruciating too. No matter what I say, it has been a great learning experience.

I sit down to write this, with so many thoughts in my head, and too many new songs in my playlist. I brood over all the things that happened this year. It has been one disgusting year topped with awful things. But, I've written down things that I learned this year.

Ø       People change. Things change. For good or bad. You cannot expect things to be the way you want.

Ø       Books can give you more comfort than people.

Ø       Understood the true intentions of a few people, who only wanted to manipulate me to get their way. I've never been this hurt before.

Ø       Coffee makes you feel better. I have turned into a bigger caffeine addict.

Ø       There are very few friends with whom you can pick where you left. Glad that I got in touch with her this year.

Ø       To hate somebody doesn’t earn you anything. I’ve let go off people this year for what they have done to me. Believe me, I have made peace with myself by forgiving them. Appreciated them for what they taught. Good and the bad.

Ø       A flame vodka shot can make you dance nonstop for three hours. Duh!

Ø       It takes a lot of guts to do what you actually want to do and I make sure I do it. Without bothering about what others would say or what the society would think.

Ø       The first quarter of the year saw me indulge in baking. The satisfaction that I get in baking a new recipe or shopping for myself is something else altogether.

Ø       Goa is such a laid back place that it makes you lazy as well.

Ø       Friends are the best things in the world. Chocolate and vodka come real close.

Ø       Saw the true colours of certain people and realized that they were poisoned all along.

Ø       I have absolutely no regrets. What ever happened and whatever will happen, happens for a reason.

Ø       Made mistakes, took it positively and learnt from them. Of course a mistake doesn't start of being well, a mistake. It is a normal activity or emotion that goes wrong somewhere due to various reasons. Making mistakes only make you stronger. And for God's sake never make them again. That's foolishness and you'll be in trouble forever.

Ø       Now, that I have realized my mistake, I would never go back to that road again. I had had to know where to draw the line. Now I do. If this had not happened to me, maybe I wouldn't have ever realized it. I guess, this is God’s way of teaching us.

Ø       Also realized that you do anything in the background, it shall be accepted. Even if it is the wrong thing. Do it in front of everyone and then hell breaks loose. Even if it is the right thing.

Phew! I had a tough time listing out these things, and most of them do not make any sense. But this year has just been hard, you know?

Thanks to everyone who were with me in this mad year. Also, the ones who weren't with me. Huge thanks. No. I am not being sarcastic.

'Let It Go' by James Bay

This song consists of: an acoustic guitar, a wide-ranging dynamic music, some emotional lyrics, and the pouring of Bay’s heart into the song. What else do you want to devour into a song?

When I heard this emotional song, these thoughts struck me.  The idea of difference, and uniqueness…At what point do we accept incompatible nature? At what point do we decide, enough is enough? At what point do we own ourselves, both light and shadow? At what point do we stand our ground and regain ourselves? When do we set free? When will we trust? Do we take action in love or fear?

Do we love enough to let go?

Confession: I have a thing for boys who play guitar…ya and that has lead me to James Bay. Yeah, totally cliché but come on, it's true.

It’s now been almost six months since I first began listening to this song, but with the release of Bay’s album Chaos and the Calm, plus the song's new music video, I have started to listen to the song in earnest once more. What initially caught my ear then, and still does, is the complete intensity in which he sings. You can feel and almost see the heartbreak thanks to his visual lyrics:

“I used to recognize myself
It's funny how reflections change
When we're becoming something else
I think it's time to walk away”

And, this song is on continuous loop on my playlist but the reason isn't just about the lyrics—his soulful voice keeps me coming back for more. The way he sings feels sincere, something that can be lacking in similar artists.  In short, I could listen to his new album all day, and I think you'll enjoy it too. I would highly recommend giving it a listen when you have the time, but be prepared to hit replay pretty soon after.

First Love Yourself!!

Have you ever wondered what makes a relationship work? It is love, understanding, respect that keeps it alive but much before that, it is the desire to have that person in your life.

You do everything because you know no relationship is perfect. You had differences with your parents, siblings and friends, and eventually you forget those differences and they are still there in your life. Maybe, you left few friends and relatives in that process. However, you left only those who were not important or the difference was much bigger than the relation. There is of course a social angle to it. You can't leave your family. Who does that? You can't leave your spouse. Why? Society will judge you; you will have a tabooed word associated with you for your entire life. Now, the question is...what about you?

You have a relationship to which you are completely loving and honest. You make efforts to keep it alive, you change yourself and you make sacrifices. But many years down the lane, you realize you have lost yourself. You are nobody. You don't even know what makes you happy. Sad, isn't it?

And one day you make a decision. You say to yourself, 'I want to be happy. I want nothing but happiness.' This is the day; you find all your answers you have been looking for.

Respect yourself before you respect others. Give your happiness more value. Make sacrifices not because someone you love will be happy; make it because it makes you happy. Above all, love yourself...

P. S. - But still.... It take Two to Tango, Two to Fight and Two to make it Alright!